"Greater Love Hath No Man Than This" Greg Gray

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

On July 23rd, 2011 Greg Gray passed away, a drowning victim. He had dived into the river where his family had been fishing to save his sister. His sister survived, but Greg did not. My heart is full as I try and express my feelings about Greg, some words of inspiration he gave me, and some reflections on death, and Greg's love he showed in his death.

I regret that I only knew Greg for 4 1/2 months, while we served in Beaverton, Oregon on our LDS missions. Though I did not know him for a long time, I loved him dearly. I knew him while he was serving with Elder Duncan Tuitakau, and I was serving with Elder JJay Jensen. JJay and I were organizing a zone meeting, trying to uplift and inspire the rest of the Hillsboro zone to new heights. Our zone had been reaching new heights in terms of confidence, work, faith, and attitude. Baptisms and conversion came as a bi-product of these factors, and JJay and I wanted to make sure the trend would continue. I don't remember much about the zone meeting, other than great trainings on unity by some members of our zone, and that there was a powerful spirit in the room when the floor was opened to sharing testimonies. Elder Gray, fresh out of the MTC eventually stood and took the floor. After almost 3 years, I can't remember his exact words, but this was the gist of what he said:

"I didn't decide to serve a mission because it was the easy thing to do. I didn't come to Portland for myself. I came for every single person that I come in contact with. I came to show the love that the Savior would for each of them. I didn't come on a mission to be recognized, or patted on the back. I came here to work."

Those words deeply impacted me. I had been out almost 20 months at the time that I heard Elder Gray's timely testimony. I was reminded that I was also called on a mission to work and love, and to do my best, not to be recognized as the best.

Greg lived up to his words. Through the death of his grandfather, some alarming and scary situations in his first transfer, and hard work with his companion, Greg and Tui saw great success in their own personal growth, and in persons gaining faith in Jesus Christ and then acting upon it. Greg was a spiritual leader, and he rallied those around him to new heights.

Greg's faith and character shined when he passed away, when he dove into the river, I would guess without any hesitation. He showed the Savior's compassion, and lived the Savior's words that "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) He lived the Savior's commandment that "That ye love one another, as I have loved you." (John 15:12)



It can be easy to ask the question, "why Greg?" The answer is that we don't know. Death comes to each one of us, in the words of the author Chuck Palahniuk, "if you stretch the timeline out long enough, everyone's survival rate drops to zero." But it is in situation of the young, the good, and the loved that we oft can wonder "WHY?" The answer is that we don't know.

President Spencer W. Kimball once remarked that not everyone dies because they were called to a great work on the other side to do (although, undoubtedly Greg is very busy as a missionary on the other side). Sometimes people just die. Sometimes alarming and sad things happen, through no fault of our own. Some are "appointed unto death," but sometimes it just happens. I think, perhaps, that it is in these times that we feel our faith stretch and grow.

But I do know something. I do know that Greg would want us all to go on in faith, and love, and working hard for the good of others. I think that Greg would have wanted us to become better from this experience.

"Greater Love Hath No Man Than This" will be forever changed for me. I am so grateful that the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ. I am so glad that when our spirits separate from our bodies that we return to the God who gave us life. And I am so very grateful that "because of the redemption of man, which came by Jesus Christ, they are brought back into the presence of the Lord; yea, this is wherein all men are redeemed, because the death of Christ bringeth to pass the resurrection, which bringeth to pass a redemption from an endless sleep, from which sleep all men shall be awakened by the power of God when the trump shall sound; and they shall come forth, both small and great, and all shall stand before his bar, being redeemed and loosed from this eternal band of death, which death is a temporal death."

May the Lord help us all to remember Greg, his example, and the love he showed.

This may also help: Tragedy or Destiny by Spencer W. Kimball.

Link Bomb 7/16:

The newest Mormon Message from Jeffrey R. Holland

A new temple...in Paris, France?

The new temple site in Fort Collins, Colorado.

An LDS missionary was mauled by a lion in a Guatamalen zoo (and lived!).

New York Times article on the Hill Cummorah Pageant.

This is a great one to share: an historian on the most important things in the Book of Mormon.

Not really LDS related, but a BYU comedy group did a Harry Potter parody of Katy Perry's Firework."

Official Church Apps for iPhone.

The "Sister Wives" family is petitioning to make polygamy legal. Joanna Brooks asks the question, what would Mormons do if polygamy became legal?

If you're an LGBT Latter-day Saint, PLEASE participate in the survey on this page:

An interview about Mormons with the Interfaith Alliance President, who recently defended the public slander of Mormonism on Fox News.

Link Bomb #2: Catching Up on the Mormon Articles and News You Should Be Reading

A new movie on the candidacy of Joseph Smith for President of these United States is in the works.

Commentary on the Church's promise to stay out of the 2012 GOP race.

A (brief) history of the Community of Christ's version of how polygamy started.

Jimmer Fredette plays on staying active when he moves to Sacramento.

New Mission President Seminar news

Are Republicans Ready for a Mormon President? Written for the New York Times by 2 BIG names in Mormon Studies.

The new Church History and Joseph Smith Papers websites are up!!

Joanna Brooks (great blogger and Mormon feminist) on the approval ratings for Mormon candidates.

A small Washington newspaper talks about LDS Missionary work.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks talks freedom of religion.

A great flickr account by a great foundation, who works to improve the Church's image online.

LDS Linkbomb #1/Book Suggestions

Richard Bushman gave an interview with Time magazine this week, discussing the Book of Mormon Musical.

The newest Mormon Messages

Jeffrey R. Holland testifies of the Book of Mormon.

The Church reminds its leaders that they must remain politically neutral.

CNN did a pretty good job explaining Mormon beliefs.

You can always set up your own mormon.org profile!

Mormon Times is worth a read. It's an extension of the Church News (apologetic and sympathetic. Not that there's anything wrong with that.).

I'm a firm believer that faith is to be explored, and that LDS are far too quick to think that all people who leave the Church don't have a reason for it. My friend Jon Adams, at SHAFT has some great thoughts. He references John Dehlin, whose podcast I'm currently addicted to.

There are some GREAT LDS History books out there. Here's a list for those interested in the history of the Church, not necessarily Church History. Remember, if you have questions about Church History, ask someone who knows, or can find an answer for you.

1. Rough Stone Rolling: Richard Bushman
2. Brigham Young: American Moses: Leonard J. Arrington
3. The Millenarian World of Early Mormonism: Grant Underwood

To Develop Relationships

In preparing for this talk, I continually thought of a song once sung: “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love…I need to make a change…and I need to start with the man in the mirror.”

I realize the difficulty in this subject. I realize its difficulty, both in the introspection that it causes, and in how we want to judge others fairly, not make any set rules, or “deal breakers” that could end up making us close-hearted and close-minded.

The first thing that came to mind when I thought of what I wanted is a play on a quote from Liz Lemmon, who, I’m paraphrasing, as said:

“I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to her mother. I want someone who thinks that Seinfeld is funny, and that E.T. is terrifying. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking forks out as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and a smile that lights up a room like a Disney princess. And I want her to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.”

But not everyone’s dating situations are the same, or similar in any way. With that in mind, there are three things that I feel are very important in finding success in long-term dating, and these are traits I’m trying to develop, so that I can be who I am supposed to be.

Plan: Planning things together involves being able to communicate openly about things that need to be done, and things that you want to do. Planning involves thinking about others, and how your plans and their plans affect each other’s plans. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that there are several instances in the scriptures where our goal for Eternal Life is called a “Plan,” whether it be of happiness, salvation, or forever families. Joseph Smith, in the King Follett discourse says that the world was “organized”, not merely created, and the Book of Abraham records that the Lord “organized us” before we came to Earth. There are 173 references to preparing in the scriptures, 44 references for plan, and 19 references to organize.

It’s important to be able to have candid and open lines of communication with everyone, but especially with someone you are considering spending eternity with. Fear of feeling foolish or inadequate when speaking to someone is common. Try your best to learn how to speak to others, as the Lord has taught, “in their own language.” Learn to listen, and to respond to others words in words that they will understand. How you say something can be just as important as what you say, and much more frequently than you would think, the tone and feelings evoked in words are more powerful than what was actually said.

The second thing that I find important, is to know that the person you want to date seriously is going to be imperfect. But you can’t focus on that. That is a Pandora’s Box, and once opened, is nigh impossible to close. We all do things that annoy others. Boys can be cocky, and ignorant of other people’s feelings. They’re going to yell at the TV during sporting events, though we know that they can’t hear us. We think that no one else on a group project is doing their share. We will probably think movies like Billy Madison and Dumb and Dumber are funny until the day we die. And guys, girls are going to want to have dress up dates, expect you to think it’s ok to listen to country or Justin Bieber every once in awhile. They’re going to want to watch the Bachelorette and want you to think that Bentley is just as evil as they do. They’re going to think that you should drive the speed limit, and use good grammar, and stop wearing flat brim hats. And guess what? That’s ok.

But focusing on these minor things is not going to make a great relationship. It doesn’t sound like a relationship built on love and patience, one that you both want to last forever. When we focus on the things that aren’t important, it can impair our ability to follow the Spirit’s direction. Be one that can be said to “scatter the sunshine.”

I feel like most people want to be the best person that they can be. Men want to be the perfect husband and father. Women want to be the perfect wife and mother. And because our strengths can become our downfalls, these self-imposed expectations can be suffocating. Be positive. Accentuate their best characters. Go out of the way to say something nice, or to give an extra hug on a bad day. Make dinner. Plan a date idea. Do little things just because they want you to. Notice her earrings. Tell her how much your care. Text him first sometimes.

Tell him that you think he’s great. Write nice notes. Joseph Smith would often refer to Emma’s letters as “sweet morsels” or “pieces of paradise.”

The things that build relationships, whether it is with the Lord or with another person are simple: with the Lord, it’s faith. It’s prayers. It’s scripture reading. It’s temple attendance. It’s being loyal. It’s the same with dating. Communicate. Learn together. Serve together. Find joy in each other’s successes. Make time for little things like intramural games, or walks in the park.

The third thing in spiritually being prepared for dating involves recognizing when the Spirit confirms that the person is right for you to choose. I’m not going to tell you how you will know that it is right. Revelation, like love, is intensely personal. Each person feels them individually, and I personally find it difficult to describe how I feel when I receive revelation. But there are certain things that I can do to help myself receive inspiration from the Spirit.

I pray and ponder, I read the scriptures, I write things down, and I talk with my mom. I think about what one of my mentors would say, and I try and decide what is best. I tell the Lord my plans, Everyone seeks and feels Find what’s best for you, and develop the talent of revelation. Sister Julie B. Beck has said that it is “the single most important skill one can acquire in this life.”

Earnest prayer and inspiration are needed in all situations, and perhaps there is no other event I can foresee that requires more earnest prayer and inspiration. The Lord wants you to be happy. Just also remember that just as importantly, the Lord lets you choose. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has said:

I would like to have a dollar for every person in a courtship who knew he or she had felt the guidance of the Lord in that relationship, had prayed about the experience enough to know it was the will of the Lord, knew they loved each other and enjoyed each other's company, and saw a lifetime of wonderful compatibility ahead--only to panic, to get a brain cramp, to have total catatonic fear sweep over them. They "draw back," as Paul said.

"I am not saying you shouldn't be very careful about something as significant and serious as marriage…beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. …. Face your doubts. Master your fears. "Cast not away therefore your confidence." Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.’

If it works, it works. Don’t be afraid if things are working out more quickly, or better, than you expected. Trust the Lord. Keep his commandments. You will receive His direction. And He will want you to follow it.

My talk from Sunday

Sacrament Meeting Talk: Remarks based off of an address given by Elder Paul V. Johnson “More Than Conquerors Through Him That Loved Us”.

Elder Johnson said that,“Earth life includes tests, trials, and tribulations, and some of the trials we face in life can be excruciating. Whether it be illness, betrayal, temptations, loss of a loved one, natural disasters, or some other ordeal, affliction is part of our mortal experience. Many have wondered why we must face difficult challenges. We know that one reason is to provide a trial of our faith to see if we will do all the Lord has commanded. Fortunately this earth life is the perfect setting to face—and pass—these tests.”

Each of the tests that Elder Johnson mentions are painful in their own right. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain can be crippling, to the point that we may ask ourselves, as the Prophet Joseph did, “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?...how long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, year thy pure eye, behold from the Eternal heavens the wrongs…of thy servants?”

While broken bones, courtships, and expectations lead to what the Lord really wants in us- a broken heart- I have found that there is a certain brand of trial that seem to gnaw deeper at my soul, cause more sleepless nights, and require long talks with my mom and roommates than any other: loneliness.

Loneliness comes in all shapes and sizes, some of a trivial, and some of an eternal nature. It can be the desire to be doing something on a weekend night, wanting someone to celebrate or commiserate with after seeing a score in the testing center, or just wanting, as our friends from Queen have said, “somebody to love.”

Loneliness involves all pain that I can imagine, emotional, mental, spiritual, and can lead to lasting physical problems.

May I share with you a story from my own life about loneliness? The purpose of sharing my feelings is not a request for sympathy, we all have our lonely times, but rather an example of how we can become trapped in our own disappointments, and forget that there is always, always, always, a way out, but only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

In the past six months, I feel like I’ve lost my best friends, though for the best reasons possible. One friend, is currently in Russia, serving a mission, and one of my best friends got married to the girl of his dreams. When the one left, and my roommate moved out at the end of Fall semester, I was able to convince myself that nothing was wrong.

I couldn’t come to grips with the fact that I was lonely. Because these events started in December, it was easy to attribute my feelings to finals and fatigue. Eventually, I felt that I was simply jealous. I wish I had found the girl of my dreams, and that I had somehow tricked her into marrying me. I wish that I was back out on a mission, serving the Lord to the best of my ability. Though these might have been true, I don’t think that envy was the root of how I was feeling.

I knew that my loneliness would end, that I would find the answers to my prayers, feel comfort, and not feel so alone anymore. My answer came one night, while studying Preach My Gospel and looking up corresponding scriptures on the Atonement, I read Isaiah 53, and it touched me in a way that I had never felt before. Here, we can read the prophecy concerning the Savior, what He went through in the Atonement, and why it was important.

3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

I realized that I felt abandoned by the only person who would never abandon me. Because of my resentment towards others I could not accept the Atonement in my life.I did not understand the most important part of all: that after all the Savior went through, the hardest experience anyone has every been through “with His stripes we are healed.” In the end, the process of the Atonement, the Savior being rejected, despised, and smitten, meant that He could empathize with us when we feel “rejected…smitten of God and afflicted.”

Upon reading these words, I reflected of the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, words that I have often felt could describe the Savior:

"He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it…It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself."

The Lord was able to comfort, because He has been through every single trial that I have, that you have, that we all have! We are able to feel His love when we strive to reach out to Him. He knows of the debilitating power of loneliness. He had been through them Himself.



Elder Holland has taught: “Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically, but perhaps not emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me… For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.”



Elder Johnson added: Our Heavenly Father loves us, and we “know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.” 18 Someday when we get to the other side of the veil, we want more than for someone just to tell us, “Well, you’re done.” Instead, we want the Lord to say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”

Feelings of loneliness are not sins. The Savior Himself experienced them, as has every person who has ever walked the Earth.

Joseph Smith once wrote that “I have been…melancholy and down in the dumps.” Imagine the Prophet’s loneliness, he being placed with the great blessing and burden of the Restoration. For a time shouldering the burden of the Book of Mormon alone. Having many of his closest friends and advisors denounce him and his character, some even claiming that God had ceased to support him. Moving county to county, state to state, losing family members, friends, children, and converts. And perhaps the most lonely of all, being taken to Carthage from Nauvoo, looking back at the city that had been built largely on his inspiration and leadership, and knowing that he was never going to see it again.

Thomas S. Monson, when called as a mission president, never having served a mission himself, traveled to Canada with his wife and family, and retired in the backyard. He prayed for help. He prayed for strength, and to do what the Lord wanted him to do. He prayed that he would never lose one of his missionaries, and that he would be led by the Spirit. It took time, but he learned by the Spirit how to lead those missionaries, and didn’t have to send a single missionary home. From feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure, an important step was made in the eternal progression of a prophet of God.

My belief is that we must all feel lonely to become closer to God. When we feel alone, forsaken, and misunderstood, we find that we have never truly been alone. We see that “His arms have been stretched out all the day long,” and that He has been diligently seeking to “gather us, as a hen gathereth her chickens beneath her wings.”

Have you ever seen a picture of Jesus, where His arms are closed, or He is not looking at someone? Have you ever seen a picture of the Savior leaving someone alone? I have not. He seeks to envelop in the arms of His love, and to bless all those what will come unto Him.”

I have found that, in the words of Ezra Taft Benson, "men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and [most importantly], pour out peace."

The Lord is there. Waiting for each of us to take His extended arm.

Dating and Change

I’ll preface by saying that I’m going to be talking about dating. If you don’t want to continue, I won’t be offended.

Still here? Thanks. Means a lot! And let’s face it: if you can use it in dating, you can use it in something far less complicated, like the rest of your life. In fact, I can think how this can apply to serving others, going to the Temple, learning new skills, and especially sharing the Gospel with others. I hope you’ll feel the same way.

Repentance is something I wish that I was better at. Right now I’m not even really thinking of repentance from sin, but rather more at the Greek root of repentance, “a change of mind.” I’ve been thinking a lot (I guess this isn’t really a new thing) about how I can change my mind.

I’ve been thinking about how I should be able to do the things that I want to. I should be able to have the confidence to date, to talk to those I would like to take out. I should just man up and take a chance...and yet I don’t. There. I said it.

I am fully capable of dating. I have the ability to open my mouth and talk to somebody I’m interested in, and that I think might be interested in me. I am fully capable of planning easy, cheap, and fun dates (or at least I think they’re fun).

So why don’t I do it? Because I haven’t seen success in awhile. I haven’t met someone that I care about that cares as much about me. That’s fine, I mean, I’m young, 22. I’ve heard a lot of “comforting” phrases telling me that everything is OK, and will continue to be OK. “There’s plenty of time,” “plenty of fish in the sea,” and “you just haven’t met the right girl yet, but when you do, she’ll be the luckiest girl in the world.” But let’s be honest: did any these things actually make anybody feel better?

I know I’m young. I know there’s plenty of great girls out there. I know that when I meet the right girl, things will be great. That comes from having faith that God has a plan for me, and that I do my best to follow His plan. I hope I don’t sound rude, or self-righteous, that’s not my purpose, but it’s how I feel. Everything works out. I have a testimony of it all working out, perhaps more than any other aspect of the Gospel (outside of knowing that God knows me and my needs, and that His Son has overcome all).

I just wish I knew how things were going to work out. I wish I knew exactly what to do, and how to do it. But guess what? I don’t.

But I decided this week, that I can’t do anything about not knowing what to do. I can’t do anything about not knowing what’s going to come. And when I decided this, I ran across a scripture from Ezekiel 36:

26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

I have truly had a heart of stone. I’ve refused to see the bright side, and I’ve refused to see what I can control. I can open my mouth. I can do my best to open doors, and make a girl laugh, I can be active in my church callings, and be willing to serve at a moment’s notice.

I can plan dates that are interesting and different, but not over the top or expensive. I can put myself out there, get a phone number, and then *gasp* call. I could probably even do something like allow myself to get set up (I hate it).

And I will.

So that’s my goal this week: to allow my new heart a chance at being more happy. To not anguish over things that I can’t do, and do something that I almost never do: ask a girl out that I don’t know very well. Do my best to be polite, and funny, and sincere (which is who I hope I am?) and then see where things go.

I’m not sure why I just thought of this, but when Moses and the children of Israel are escaping from Pharaoh, Moses didn’t know what to do until they were on the banks of the Red Sea what he was supposed to do. Then, the voice of the Lord came to Moses, telling him what to do, and how to do it. And the rest is history.

I hope my efforts yield the results I’m looking for, but hey, if not, there isn’t a pack of Egyptians coming after me (that I’m aware of). I hope that each of your endeavors this week, that you feel that your heart has turned to stone, and that you need encouragement in find success, as you put forth your faith and “turn to” where you want to go, and what you want to do.

I know that the Lord is the only way that we can do that. I know that because He has changed my heart again and again, and gently teaches me what I can do to become happier.

And I know the same thing will work for you. With all my heart.